Birthday~!

Today is my 60th birthday.  I really don't feel very festive.  I actually am quite depressed.  Hinted around about eating out but the weather is too nasty.  I really don't care!  I decided to use up the left-over turkey to make tetrazzini.  It's done but the hubby decided he had an upset stomach and doesn't want to eat right now.  How is that for a kick in the head!?  Had to cook on my b-day and don't even want to eat it now.  Oh, well, whatever the French always say@!

Christmas Time Again!

Well, since the last post, things have certainly changed.  I finally resolved my differences with my youngest sister so we could have a good holiday season.  It made me feel ill physically to have this animosity between us.  The holiday season came and then tragedy!  My middle sister died suddenly on Christmas Day; no warning or idea that she was so sick.  I was told that she didn't suffer; her poor body just shut down.  Everything failed and she slowly drifted into death.  I am devastated by this loss!  We were the sisters that had been closer than ever and, even though I often disagreed with some of her life choices, I loved her dearly.  Tomorrow we will have a memorial service for her, but I will be so glad when this is all over.  It is too hard to deal with this on a daily basis.  Yesterday, a dear friend's husband passed away suddenly, too.  The Lord must be running low on angels.  I pray that I am worthy to see my friends and family once again in the heavenly realm. 

Again With The Sister!

I guess I must resign myself to the simple fact that my sister's perspective on things is way different from mine!  I wanted to resolve issues with her, but I have turned out to be the villain in all this.  I am being construed as a bitter old bitch, it seems.  Of course, I feel some animosity toward someone that I think has used me, but she claims she really had no involvement in the horse debacle.  It is my nephew's complete responsibility, according to her.  WHATEVER!  I am not going to dignify her latest email reply with a response; I give up!  It seems that we are both seeing our own version of what went down in the summer and they don't match up.  The point is:  I don't think that I can even stand to be around someone who is condescending and disrespects me.  My sister has always made me feel like I was beneath her in every way and Mom doesn't help that thought process either.  Mom talks down to me and treats me more like a slave than anything else.  I guess I have become resentful of that over the last year.  That among other things makes me feel like I don't measure up.  Dear Lord, give me strength to continue as I do; I am not a well woman anymore.  Mentally more than physically, I need spiritual guidance. 

The Saga Continues!

Well, this is several months later but my animosity toward my youngest sister continues to fester!  I can't seem to bring myself to be around her anymore when she is here to visit Mom.  I think that I finally figured out my rationale for this behavior.  I am on the defensive and fear that, if I let my guard down, someone will take advantage of me once again.  Lord knows, the nightmare is still fresh in my memory.  There are constant reminders out in my mom's yard!  And I have to work out there most everyday; I can't stand being in that house for very long at a time.  The yard is still my sanctuary but it can be difficult to keep up at times.  I finally got all the careless weeds dug up but there is plenty more weed eating and mowing to do.  Also have some creative projects for days when things are "caught up".  Of course, when my youngest sister shows up, she seems to do things that invade my territory.  It just makes me angry all over again and this is not good for my stomach.  And being my mom's caregiver is something I do not really enjoy.  I have done enough nursing and care giving in my life and I am burned out!  My husband is another story completely, but he can sure pull some stunts to make my life a living hell.  These drinking binges every two weeks are getting to be a bad habit and I really don't look forward to his next bout.  I am cranky a lot!

As The Stomach Turns!

Sounds like a soap opera!  And it's my life!  Two weeks I have had a stomachache and I have never had anything like this before.  I usually just have stomach distress when I ate something bad or a flu bug got hold of me.  This is totally getting old!  The only time that I am not so aware of it is when I am out in the yard working.  I just chain sawed another dead tree today.  Man, was that a lot of work!  I have been burning all the trimmings and pruned limbs and tree trunks, but I never really get caught up. 

Damn, I can't seem to get a break!  I am now having to deal with family turmoil and strife; my husband is included.  I want to help out a friend and yet it seems that this is taking away from somebody's attention from me.  I wanted to just chain saw my life away this morning but it got too hot!  It has been some severe heat here; triple digits on thermometer.  I can't seem to win for losing; God is my only hope and salvation.  I pray that he gives me relief.

Well, the horse "doody" is over!!  Nephew dear came and got them on Sunday!  Mom was going in today for a back procedure that will correct her 3 crushed vertebrae.  YIKES!  I hope it works out; I wasn't able to go with her, but my sister did!  Only good thing she has done lately, in my book.  I have two sisters and I love them both but...sometimes it is hard to be in the middle.  I have had so much gastro-intestinal distress lately that I don't feel well at all.  I guess it is just stress but I feel really old.  I just rounded my age up!!!  I have been soooo tired lately!  My husband has been more supportive but is still extremely needy~!