RAIN, BLESSED RAIN!

Today we had several nice showers; it has been great! West Texas was drying up until recently but now it is fairly pleasant. I am glad this week is over! I finally sold the stock that I had bought after four days of anxiety-filled hours. YEA!! I ran into an old friend of mine and was really glad to talk with her. We used to work together when I was a nurse; she was so nice and very helpful to me when I needed it. She has gone through the same stuff that I went through at work but she still wants to work until she can't stand it anymore. I would like to visit with her sometime in the near future, if possible. I have another friend in Houston that I email all the time; I wish I could see her and her family again. They are great people and I miss them but don't miss Houston at all. I am just a small town girl and that is what I will remain.

The Stock Market

WOW! The stock market is such a bummer this week! At least the stock that I have been trading is going down hill fast. I hope I don't lose too much more or I will scream! Maybe it will come back up, but who knows. It is so nerve racking and ties my stomach up in knots but I will keep trying until I can't stand it anymore. I guess it takes a lot of dedication and guess work to be able to do this. I am just looking forward to our vacation in October. I hope that we can go to the San Juan Islands; I will have to check into this. My wonderful husband suggested it and it sounds great! I really don't like flying that much but that is okay if the vacation itself is a worthwhile time. My husband has some great ideas for vacations and being married to him has been the blessing of my life. I never want to lose him!

SUNDAY NIGHT MOVIE

I am watching a movie right now called "Black and Blue". It is about an abused wife; her husband is a cop. You know what? This brings back very real and painful memories for me. I had a "room mate" who was a nurse and I had known him for years, but not well enough. However, he became abusive toward me and I should have left when he first started, but didn't. Six months later he beat the living daylights out of me and tried to kill me in my own kitchen. I was a psych nurse at that time and didn't really know what dissociative episodes were like, except that the patients had them. I found out exactly what they were going through. Sometimes that feeling comes over me and it is hard to ignore. I hope that any woman that experiences abuse from any man will find help! I did some volunteer work for the Victims Services/Rape Crisis, so that helped, but I still have some really bad memories from it. It has been 10 years now and still the memory is very fresh. Ladies, if you or any of your friends are going through this, please, I beg of you, get some help! You are not alone and the laws are better now. This man didn't get in any trouble; the grand jury "no billed" it, due to lack of evidence, they claimed. Would he have had to kill me to get the punishment he deserved?

Issue of Weight

I guess that I have a weight problem; oh, heck, I'll admit it, I have a weight problem. I love to eat; I tried so many times to lose weight by exercise and sometimes diet, but the word"diet" just makes me hungrier!! I have lost weight in the past just by being extremely busy and active, but if I ever strayed from that lifestyle--boom! Here comes the fat! When we were children, we were always told to eat everything on our plate, even if we didn't like it. Now...I like everything on my plate! I have tried so hard to be moderate, but there are those cravings. And...on top of that, since I can remember, my mother has told me that I was born overweight. Now that is a stigma that has gone on for 50-something years and I guess that it is ingrained in my psyche! Maybe that is a poor excuse, but I have never, ever been a small person. Even when I was smaller, I was no size 0! There is so much emphasis on being slim to the point of anorexia or bulimia for some women! How can that be any healthier than eating what you like? When my husband and I met, we were both a lot thinner, but now not so thin. However, he is trying to lose weight and I don't want him to be thinner than I am!! I can't seem to find a happy medium for this problem and I am a healthy woman, but not a comfortable woman. I have considered many different things, including stomach stapling, lipo, tummy tucks, etc. The list is endless. I sometimes pray that the Lord does not let me live too much longer, if this is what I am to endure. I can't imagine being fat and old at the same time.

TGIF!

I guess this was a good week; I didn't day trade today because the stock I have been trading on didn't move much. Fridays aren't good for that most of time anyway. I was lazy today and didn't even go walking as I got up late. Allergies were active though! I just felt under the weather. I had better walk tomorrow plus I got a dance video to learn Latin dancing. It will be good for me because I like to dance and the exercise will be good for me. I walk around the neighborhood but it becomes monotonous so then I go to the lake at the park and walk the trail they have. It is so nice out there;I almost feel like I'm in another world. I love to sing while I walk; it helps make the time go by and keeps me breathing properly. Nobody can hear me but that is a good thing! I fancy myself to be a fairly good singer; my husband and I sing together and I harmonize. That is my thing. We enjoy singing songs from old musicals and Christmas songs. I used to play the piano but was never very good at it. My husband can play guitar and piano by ear; that takes a special talent, which I never had. I would love to be that talented.

My daughter

I have become so melancholy today, thinking about my dear departed daughter, Vicki. It was this month that she passed away so many years ago. Something reminded me of her and I really became distraught. Sometimes that feeling comes over me when I am reminded of a young person dying for no good reason. It has been 24 years since she passed away, but it still seems so recent sometimes that I can't help but get emotional. And the worst of it is that I was not a good parent to her; my parents took that responsibility and raised her as their daughter for those years that she was alive. Sorry to be so depressive; I just feel that sometimes things happen in this world for a reason. I wish that I could say that I was a good parent but I wasn't and I have a son too that needs to know that he is loved. We don't keep in touch as much as we should but I know how to get in touch with him and he with me. He is 30 years old and a great guy!! I hope that everyone appreciates their children; they are our future. I know that sounds cliche but it is so true! Vicki was such a wonderful blessing to our family and made such an impact on all of us. God is looking after her now and I know that she is in a better place!

MOM Visit!

Well, I went out Mom's today; she is getting to burn all the tree limbs and brush that had accumulated over several months of pruning. We have had some rain lately so the burn ban got lifted. It was getting a little scary there for a while; this year has been so dry up "til now. We are blessed for that rain that has been coming around. Mom is all alone now, but she is going strong at 75. She gave me some more beautiful plants and I am running out of room. Our apartment looks so much better with them. I will be so glad when we can finally get the country home that we want. If I can do well in the stock market, it will be a possibility before too long. Mom has a big yard and now it definitely needs mowing. We both get out there with the mowers and mow until we run out of gas or grass, whichever comes first. Even with the two of us, it can take days, because it gets hot pretty fast if you start in the morning. Also, the dew is so heavy sometimes you have to wait until evening when it cools off. It will work you hard and then there is the weed eating and chainsawing of huge dead limbs and trees. I have to admit, it is good exercise!

WALK, WALK, WALK!!

Today I started walking again after about a week of laying off, due to rain (and laziness!). I have gained back a lot of weight that I lost while working at the local college as a lead custodian. That job was really getting to be a real downer. It did have great benefits and great days off, but the work I was expected to do got to be so much harder on me than I could manage. I loved most of the people, but saw a lot of things going on that wasn't good for the college. We kept track of our time on paper, not time clocks, which I think they will finally have to go that route. A lot of employees are dishonest and human resources has discovered that. Then there were the "know it alls" who tried to tell me how to do my job, although I had more experience than any of them. I really got tired of all the "back-biting" and busy bodies. Anyway, now I can go to the lake and walk the trails, if I'm not day trading in the stock market. I am loving being a housewife with a wonderful husband who supports me and all my creativity. I have plenty to do, but sometimes become distracted by the TV. It is great company though when I am creating my art projects.

Nightfall

I have to be home alone for a while; my husband is working nights from now on 'til Doomsday. I hate this but it must be, as there is major work to be done. Soon it will end and we will go on vacation. I hope to be able to go somewhere we have never been yet and spend some time enjoying ourselves. At our age the short trips have been the most enjoyable. We went recently to Palo Duro Canyon and saw the play,"Texas"! It is quite a production and I recommend it for anyone that is theatrically minded. I have more fun with this husband as he doesn't mind spending money for these little trips we take and I even got to go to Washington state to visit my son. I had never been there before and it was so beautiful, I could hardly believe it. I guess now that I am just a housewife, I am having more day dreams about wonderful trips away from home.

Into the new millenium!

When this millenium came into being, I never thought that in a few years so much could happen. So many changes, so many new-fangled things to use. I knew computers but not well and never owned one until 2001. I was "afraid" of them, I guess, because of the antiquated computers that we learned to use in high school (that was 1970!). I have learned so much since then, and am still learning. I feel like there is so much more that I need to learn. They say if you ever stop learning, you're dead! Anyway, I digress; I have become involved in the stock market lately and that is something that I never thought I would do or be interested in. It is fascinating and nerve-racking at the same time. It is a lot like gambling but different, too. I hope to do well, but I will try not to become too greedy. That is a lot of people's downfall, I hear.